Dysphoria

[RainOnTheWindow]

Orange Dust.

You’re gone in a cloud of orange dust and the sound of indie hip hop.
I’m still in shock, still wondering what this means for ‘us’.

Last night you said we weren’t friends. And now everything from your porn to your laptop has taken up residence in my room. I don’t even want to look anything but the note you left that supposedly explains everything I need to know.

It doesn’t even come close. Now I’m crying, I’m bawling because part of me knows you won’t ever come back. My hands are shaking as I reread the last part obsessively.

Thank you, Jess.
I might have been dead without you.
Who knows.

Sorry I couldn’t be different.

I wish I had hugged you harder before you had left.
I wish I had told you exactly what you meant to me in person.

Instead of handing you a note with 18 dollars in it, I should have just opened my mouth and said the words. But I gave you a note, a note that you threw in the driver’s side window without reading.

I wanted to cry then too, instead I hugged you and you awkwardly returned it. You’re saying not to worry, but knowing I’m going to anyway.

Then you climbed into your car, and I’m telling you to come back with all your fingers, toes and teeth. You’re nodding saying you can’t promise you’ll have all your teeth, but that you packed your tooth brush.

Now you have your music on. I’m trying to tell you I’m gunna miss you, but you’re pretending you can’t hear me.

And you’re gone in a cloud of orange dust and the blaring sound indie hip hop.

[TheLeaper]

<333333

lovely.

[RainOnTheWindow]

[Same boy as Orange Dust.]

Here In Lies Peace.

Here in lies peace.

She rests her head across his chest, her body cradled in his.
With his arms wrapped around her waist, she is safe.

This is every dream she’s ever had.
Every selfish wish come true.

A nervous heartbeat stutters as she makes the first move.

Her lips to his.

And in answer to his whispered, ‘Why?’
She responds in kind, ‘Because I like you.’

[RainOnTheWindow]

Good For You.

Good for f_cking you.
Nice to know if your where me,
you’d be over it.

Really, I mean it.
You bounce back like a super-ball.
I just waste pen ink.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Bait Not Babe

My jaw is clenching and I can feel my gums starting to bleed.
You don’t know what you do to me, razoring my dreams [and arms] to shreds.

Call me Bait not Babe, You’ve already started my transformation from ugly ducking to full blown chum.

Blood is in the air and the wolves are circling.

You’ll make a wonderful chew toy.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Just like a word search,
I can't arrange the letters
to suit fantasy.

[RainOnTheWindow]

The wind grows colder.
I sink into my headphones
and your pretty voice.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Hand in hand they sit.
Backs to the sun, feet submerged.
In love and alone.


[This is for my friends Sam and Steve because their parents are conspiring to keep them apart.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

Sleep won't come easy,
even if I see both dawn and dusk.
Oh, insomnia.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Ash glows red, free flowing scar tissue
Blackened sticks, tips burning out in your closed hand
Can you please stop? I’m begging you for the Nth time
Don’t you see my scars on display, waiting for the 'They don’t look like cat scratches' remark
Every flame snuffed out in your hand weakens my resolve
Fighting back the urge to scream out every last secret in your smug face
Good thing people are watching, or I’d have just given in
Hooray, it was too much to resist, for the first time in almost a year
I’ve lit that match, heated metal to the burning point
Just a plea for attention, because it’s not possible that I might really have a problem
Keeping my wax blacked nail file out of sight, out of mind
Letting imagination direct the metaphorical smoking gun
Masochism or insanity, 2nd degree burns still objecting to body warmth
Now I wonder why I stopped, to keep it a secret or something more
Obviously not objectionable, this feeling of the slow smoldering away of my reality
Pain bared as witness, a badge of courage
Questionable life experience, nothing completely explained
Right or left hand path choices neither clearly marked
Still, I could stop if I wanted to
The question is, Do I want to?
Unavoidable questions that need answers
Voyeurism in ink, surreptitiousness painted across the silver screen
Who are you to treat me like that, you knew and you didn’t give a damn
Xyleneic anger at the world for treating me as leper, for only caring once I asked for help
You had your chance, to help me, you ignored me, triggered me, broke me and left me
Zenith point (inversed) because I’m done listening to you, done pretending it’s all ok.


[I wrote this two years ago.]

[Lokieania]

beautiful darling..
truly inspiring

keep up the excellent work :P

[RainOnTheWindow]

Originally Posted by Lokieania

beautiful darling..
truly inspiring

keep up the excellent work :P

Thank you!

I will certainly try!

[TheLeaper]

Wow... love the ABC one...just.. wow.. great job

[RainOnTheWindow]

Originally Posted by TheLeaper

Wow... love the ABC one...just.. wow.. great job

Thank you! =]

[RainOnTheWindow]

[ripmeup] Darling,
I am cannibalism
with a cherry glaze.

[I wrote this one day on my way to work because I really wanted a cherry glazed donut.]

[Honest.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

If my skin was wax,
it would take but a moment
for safety in pain.

[No, I don't cut.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

I'm just a Slut.
My conquests are quieter.
Tell me I've been good.

[RainOnTheWindow]

I’d rather bruise my knees.
We can dislocate my hips
On another day.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Capgun in the grass.
He shot at me; pewpewpew.
I don't bleed in jest.

[I'm a little iffy on this one.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

You are frosting over.
Do not worry Carmelo,
I kiss in color.

[Carmelo is spanish slang for sweetie. It actually means caramel.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

Scars satisfy me.
I am aesthetically correct
'til they fade.

[RainOnTheWindow]

Write haiku on me,
the non-traditional kind.
I'll be poetry.

[I actually got this from when I wrote [ripmeup] on my ankle.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

She's awkward small talk,
coupled with unsure movement.
Nervous as always.

[RainOnTheWindow]

I'm effing perfect.
I masturbate my ego.
You're not welcome here.

[I Feel Perfect.]

[RainOnTheWindow]

Hear me [bleeding] out.
Shake your head and walk away.
I'm wasting your time.